It’s not uncommon for clients to tell me that their lives are just fine, everything is going well and they have good lives…well except for: infidelity, abuse, loneliness, overwork, working at something they hate, a life built on lies, codependance, addiction, weight issues, illness, self-destructive behaviors, self-loathing, low self-esteem, depression, hopelessness, and possibly a deep desire that gets stronger each day for something to change, anything at all…
Huh?! So everything’s just fine???? When we start looking at the definition of “fine” it’s actually that they have fulfilled the check list of what our culture says we should have and what we should do in order to be happy. If we have a job, a marriage, some kids, a house, a car (at least one if not two), enough money, the ability to eat out and go on vacation, then we should be happy. However, that cookie cutter life is not only one size fits all for happiness, but is actually detrimental to some of us whose desires and soul need something completely different. Put an artist into a life without art and they suffer. Put a song writer or musician into a life without music and they will waste away. Take away words from the writer and they wither in torment. The list goes on and on…
Yes, it’s always good to make lemons from lemonade. It’s a handy tool to have in your toolbox and a good way to look at life if your reality doesn’t match your perfectionist expectations. However, that doesn’t mean that making lemonade isn’t painful or that the pain is invalid or somehow less than someone elses. Pain is pain. Not having something that is necessary for your soul is painful on a level that can hardly be measured. And it most certainly cannot be compared to other pain as if there is a Richter scale of heart ache. Each person experiences their own pain and it is as unique as they are. To say that one person’s pain is more worthy of action, more valid than other is to say that one person is more worthy, more valid than another. It just isn’t so.
Your pain is valid and you don’t have to qualify it, excuse it, or be embarrassed by it. It’s that first brick on the yellow brick road pointing you down the path towards your best life. Welcome it and get walking.
