How many times do we have to hear something positive about ourselves before we believe it? I mean one person saying something is just their opinion and even that can be influenced by a million and one factors so it can be discounted. Two people saying it, well that could be random. So more than 2? Is three the tipping point? More? Well, we shouldn’t need external validation for anything anyway, right? LOL
It’s flattering to hear good things about ourselves and yes we can live without it, but life is a bit better, I’d venture a lot better, if we’re getting positive feedback at least from our loved ones on a regular basis. We are, after all, social animals and interconnection is necessary for us to live healthy lives. So with that said, it’s amazing how often people create identities for themselves that do not contain the positive facets that other people see and experience. Or put in another way, the narrative we tell ourselves about ourselves and how our world works specifically excludes the good bits. I see this on a regular basis with clients who hold up a skill or a profession or a goal that they feel they should have achieved but didn’t and so claim for themselves the identity of broken or failure or less than. When I point out that what they are doing and expecting doesn’t make sense in the same way that using a sewing needle to change a tire or trying to cool down the house by turning on the oven doesn’t make sense, they are stunned.
There are so many ways we prevent ourselves from taking in the positive input the world is trying to give us. Trying to achieve something that we were never suited for is one. Not that we shouldn’t strive, but why strive for what we “should” be when we can unfold in extravagant grace, beauty and splendor by accepting and valuing who we are? Focusing on what we aren’t or can’t be keeps us from hearing what people are trying to reflect back to us. We’re amazing, we’re valued, and we’re appreciated. But how many times do we have to hear that before it becomes our truth? When is it true that we are who we truly are vs. what we think we have failed to be?
