In general there are two sides of healing, preventative care and response to illness or injury once they’ve occurred. It’s something that gets talked about quite a lot in the States because of our current system which is weighted towards intervention and cure and away from prevention. So one good thing to come from all the political wrangling over healthcare here is that people are now becoming aware that there are more options out there for wellness than just an apple a day and the Emergency Room. *sigh*
Meanwhile, back in the realm of holistic healing, the same things apply. My recent posts about Momma Cass and Bear totem have referred to this obliquely. Healing is not just about repairing damage and trauma that has occurred, although that is a large part of it. But it is also about preventing damage, which is where some people get stuck. If a person has had a difficult childhood or has issues with their mother (mother figure) many times we focus on the things they did/are doing and react to them or seek to head them off or even combat them. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. What I’d say about that is that the actions are only half the story.
True healing requires that we see both sides of the coin, get to the root of the problem, as it were, and heal all aspects of it. And that includes that part that was damaged because the mom (mother figure) didn’t hold up their end of the bargain. They didn’t stand up for their child and prevent abuse. They didn’t control themselves, deal with their own issues, seek out support in order to be even a mediocre parent. Being abandoned in this way by a primary care giver leaves double the damage through the perpetration of damaging acts and through betrayal. This is why the iconic mothers in the Akashics are both strong and protective as well as nurturing and loving and giving. Because for someone coming to them for healing, for advice, for experience of the mother in this aspect, there needs to be both. And those two sides need to be in balance and harmony.
Healing this betrayal most often comes when the person can be present in that broken place and begin to feel the rage. Or perhaps I should say the outrage. Like the gold that is used in the Wabi Sabi practice of mending broken objects, the outrage begins to fill in the missing pieces, validating the person’s experience, validating their existence as should have been the case from the beginning. As with any emotion each of us has a choice on how we express these things and healing includes deciding what is the best way for that emotion to be expressed in any given moment. And it includes realizing, perhaps for the first time, that the most important part of that decision is what is best for the person feeling it. And once it has run its course, over hours/days/months/years, what is left is a beautiful work of art made even more beautiful by the cracks.
