Speaking Out or Being Grateful

No one likes to be negatively criticized.  There are those who welcome input, negative or positive, for a variety of reasons and are able to make positive results from it.  However, no matter what your coping skills or the amount of positive spin you put on things, no one likes to be criticized.  And for those who don’t have coping skills or who have adopted coping skills that are less than perfect (haven’t we all) what can happen is that instead of listening to the criticism and being able to accept it as a growth opportunity, they try to deflect it by turning the issue around on the messenger.  This can be done by classifying the issue as something personal to them that doesn’t have anything to do with the person being criticized.  Or it can be negated all together by saying that the point isn’t relevant the person should just be grateful for the experience they are having, regardless of its flaws.  It’s existence far outweighs any improvement that could be made to it.

It’s common to be shut down this way:  “Can’t you just be grateful for….. it was hard to do…takes a lot of effort….was done just for your benefit….is a sign of love/respect/affection….”  All of which is aimed at making the person stop doing/saying whatever it is they are doing/saying.   And many people don’t speak up because of this.  Because of this reaction, this negative feedback, this judgement that what are, what they feel, what they have to say is somehow wrong or will be taken wrong, will cause negativity and cause a scene.  So they don’t speak out.  And that I think is so very damaging to everyone.

Being able to speak your truth shouldn’t be the opposite of being grateful.  Saying something that is important to you shouldn’t negate what the other person is doing or why they have done it.  Someone doing something for you shouldn’t be a burden that you carry around and feel obligated to nourish at your own expense.  Speaking out, taking care of yourself, feeling empowered should be the obvious companion to being grateful.  Receiving a gift of such magnitude that it engenders gratitude should nourish a person into taking their own action to care for themselves and the world around them.  It should give them a voice, not take it away.

So when you speak out and get back “you should be grateful….” acknowledge, if only to yourself, that you are and that is WHY you are speaking out.  Be grateful and act on that feeling by giving back through your own voice.  You are not alone and your voice may be speaking for dozens or hundreds of others who have not yet found theirs.