Something I run across frequently is self-abuse. There is quite a bit of focus out there in the world on how people abuse each other. Whether it is explicit through trolling, war, bar fights, domestic violence, or the plethora of prejudices out there, we are bombarded with information about how we abuse each other on a semi-regular basis. Some people actually spend time trying to figure out how to not do that, ie. be nice people, or even make careers our of fighting for rights, liberties, freedom, and stuff and such which people deserve to have so they can not be abused in the micro and the macro. Good times.
What most people ignore or are just unaware of is how self-abusive we are. I don’t mean having one too many calories or that extra sip of wine, drinking that coffee which isn’t really good for you but is so good, or any other thing which we’re told to feel guilty about because it means we’re not conforming to someone’s norm. I mean the things we do to ourselves that are non-sensical, judgmental, and downright cruel for no apparent reason. For example, telling yourself that grieving over a lost loved on should end after three months and your week and lazy and good for nothing if you can’t get back in the saddle and live like nothing happened once you reach month four. Having a negative drug interaction which turns your emotions upside down and makes you feel like the walking dead both inside and out and blaming your inability to rebound on moral failings. Like for some reason you’re not good enough because you can’t overcome the chemicals that your body hates and is fighting with all its might to get rid of, but you keep putting in every day.
We’re self abusive so often and we don’t even recognize it. We look at the outward appearance of other people, the false standards being presented on social media, regular media, circles of friends, even family, see ourselves failing to meet them, and go into a tail spin because we must be broken or incompetent, or a screw up. Then we beat ourselves up about it, try to correct it through various means that are doubling down on the abuse, and live miserable because our organic, amazing, crazy beautiful selves don’t match the exterior view, made nice for primetime, rarely accurate standards and stories being told out in the world. So put the stick you’re beating yourself up with down a minute and think, would you treat anyone else, ANYONE, like you’re treating yourself in this moment? Would it even cross your mind? If you wouldn’t, then stop, drop the stick, and walk away. You’ll be walking into the grace of a happier life.
