We are social beings and as such have social “knee jerk reactions” to situations that are common to pretty much all of us. One of these is to hide our emotional vulnerability. Being vulnerable can make us prey to others who are not, can be detrimental to our social status, can open us up to all kinds of negative interactions. I say can not will because it’s not absolute at all. There is a complexity of factors that can take emotional vulnerability and make it an asset, it’s critical for good intimate relationships, and can make us much stronger as a human being.
However, our knee jerk reaction is to hide it. One of the most common ways to do this, both from ourselves as well as others, is to create drama that focuses attention away from the issue. We see this play out everyday in the work place, we see this with our friends, we’ve probably even found ourselves parking in such a thing once in a while. It’s easier to be pissed than afraid, easier for it to be their fault and things to be black and white, easier to have other people’s faults and behaviors drawing attention that to focus on our own or lack thereof.
I’m often reminded of the mother bird in Riki Tiki Tavi who pretends to have a broken wing in order to save her eggs from the snake. She creates a huge dramatic scene to draw attention away from what is really important. Addictions can do something similar, medicating away symptoms, creating drama due to our actions, all deflecting us and everyone else away from the pain and the real issues that need to be healed. Affairs, codependance, sacrificing ourselves for our children, lovers who treat us badly, the others who keep you from getting what you deserve, the family that always ruins everything, the coworkers who constantly provoke us so we can never focus on anything else, these are also camouflage.
The real problem is not only the fall out from creating drama, but also the time wasted because having the drama doesn’t make the problem go away. In fact, many times it exacerbates it. At the least it keeps you away from feeling it and healing it which is the only true way to get through it and onto a happy life. So before you have one more conversation, one more text, one more email, before you waste one more moment trying to avoid the reality of how you feel, why not breathe and feel it. You can spare one moment, right? You can always go back to the drama afterwards. There’s a never-ending supply.
