People come to me dragging, depressed, and dispirited but with that little spark of hope left that lets them ask, “What am I supposed to be doing?” When I ask them what they want to be doing they usually tell me “I don’t know what I want.” And in the moment they really mean it. They are so used to the lie of it that it feels like the truth. They are so used to muting down and denying the inner voice that their mind easily goes through the routine of ignoring it and coming up with the answer, “I don’t know.” So here’s the happy and sad: Happy = They actually do know and within a few seconds can list off a handful of things they want. Sad = They whole heartedly believe they can’t have them.
They have come to the very sad, very practical, soul killing realization that what they want isn’t good/possible/logical/practical so they have spent years if not decades denying themselves, soulwashing themselves into the reality that they can’t have it. Of course, the flip side of that is the belief that if they do have it dire things will occur, the sky will fall, the apocalypse will occur, people won’t like them, cats and dogs living together, total anarchy!!!…..
So they do everything but that, trying to make the life that other’s have told them they should live, they should have, and being the person they should be. (Any time the shoulds show up, you can pretty much guarantee that someone else’s needs, expectations, and perceptions are being used rather than your own.) If it were up to me I would challenge those notions outright. Luckily it’s not up to me. All I have to do is read the record as its written. So when they say they don’t know I can say “Yes you do.” When they say “I can’t have that” I can say “But that’s exactly what you’re supposed to be doing.” Not just as an exercise in self actualization and positive thinking, but in detail. Ok, so I haven’t found a client yet who is meant to eat their fill of Cheetos multiple times per day, but they could be out there! It could be a spiritual passion. You don’t know! Stop judging. LOL I’ll keep looking. I’m sure they’re out there somewhere…
Meanwhile, they key to having what we want is to stop being practical about our not being able to have it and instead get practical about how we can have it. Practical works both ways and there are just as many ways to make things come out right as there are of making them come out wrong. They key is in what we believe. Not magical thinking, not thinking positively to mystically coerce the world into giving us what we want, but knowing the truth, that we can be who we want to be. Changing that core belief changes our actions, our choices, and our boundaries so we can have it.
