Hiding things from other people is something we do every day. We call it wearing mask or just plain old politeness. Depends on if your perspective is getting what you want from other people or refraining from enlightening people with the truth, I suppose. It’s part of everyday life, not something nefarious, necessarily. However, hiding things from yourself is a much more difficult skill to learn and a difficult illusion to maintain. And over time it causes damage that can be difficult to repair.
Children learn to hide things from people of authority such as parents, siblings, teachers, pastors, extended family, etc. because they need to fit in and be part of the social network around them. We are social beings and need to be connected in order to be healthy. However hiding these things can also be a matter of survival such as when one or both parents are addicted to substances which cause them to be abusive, when one or the other parent or relative is violent in some fashion, or when sexual orientation would make a living situation unbearable.
But this type of hiding is hiding from others, not hiding from the self. Inside we know who we are and at some point that person gets leave to come out of hiding in some fashion and experience life. That’s part of the joy of growing up which counter balances the difficulties of holding a job or dealing with other adults or situations which we find trying. (Debt, taxes, in-laws, annual check-ups….) Hiding from ourselves is a much more difficult thing because in some manner we always know who we truly are. Even if it is just a subconscious inkling. And why would we hide ourselves? Why should we?
Well, unless we are in a physically dangerous situation, we shouldn’t. But many times we make choices. We choose someone or something over ourselves and so we remove the parts of ourselves that don’t fit with that someone or something so we can get what we think we want. Relationships are about compromise, that’s just part of the deal and that’s healthy, but hiding yourself from yourself, that’s not compromise, that’s a lie that can be soul damaging. And what causes this situation to manifest most often is fear. Fear of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of ‘what if this is all there is’, fear that it will get worse not better. Fear, fear, and more fear. What if I don’t like who I truly am? What if people don’t like me? What if things change? Change can be the most greatly feared thing of all. As much as we are geared to want innovation, we don’t see personal change or change in situations as innovation. We often react to them as if it is an invading army coming to destroy our ancestral lands and all our holding. Don’t take me away from me because I’m all I have!
Well, most people who are hiding from themselves know that this is the case. And they make a choice each moment of each day: stay as I am right now and keep things status quo or lift the veil and see who I really am and see what happens. What are you hiding and are you hiding from it or hiding it from others? What would happen if you quit hiding and put all that energy into support it? Supporting yourself? Who would you be if your greatest supporter ended up being you?
