There’s that phrase “You can never go home again” which I wish were true. I mean, yeah, if we’re talking about making things go back to the way they were or feeling the way you felt about something, then I agree. Life is about change and nothing is going to go back to the way it is. No, what I’m talking about is that moment when you’ve changed, you’ve grown, you’ve made your life into something new and then the situation requires you to go back to the place where you came from. We’ve all been there: class reunions, family events, holidays, graduation….
Going back home is hard because our inclination is to fit in, to become part of the social group, but what we’ve consciously done is remove ourselves from this group. We have grown in different ways that aren’t going to immediately fit in. Even harder is that the group is going to expect us to act the old way, possibly demand it of us, and more than likely will respond negatively when we don’t. The alcoholic family doesn’t appreciate it when the sober member of the family comes home and vice versa. The ex’s have to sit near each other at the graduation and the jockeying for the child’s attention can get fierce. Coming out to the family is one thing but bringing your new spouse home for the holidays puts everyone on notice and shines light into corners people would prefer to keep in shadow.
It’s not all tragedy. Sometimes people rise to the occasion. They listen, they adjust, and the group accepts and adapts to the new situation. Most of the time there is Sturm and Drang, uncomfortable situations, challenges and confrontations, passive/aggressive communications, all the while you’re struggling within to hold your own boundaries and sense of new self, trying not to fall into the old patterns and habits. Going back home is fraught and rarely pleasant in these circumstances. But it is also a chance to practice what you have learned and become. If you can be who you truly are, hold the line, walk your talk, think through things and not act on old habits, then you can come out of this shining just a little be more like the piece of divinity you are.
