The biggest boundary violation of all, taking away someone’s free will. Most people think of this in the most dramatic or idealistic of examples such as imprisonment like Guantanamo or prison. But taking away free will happens every day in the most mundane situations. And most often due to good intentions.
You want to help a friend that just can’t get away from a significant other or situation that is toxic, so you do something to ‘help the situation along’ like telling the other person something that will make them angry and get everything stirred up. Or the parent that ‘just takes care of it’ for their adult child without asking them if that’s what they want or need. How many times have you wanted to reach out to someone and say ‘here let me do that’ so they will stop doing whatever it is that’s not getting either of you anywhere. In the short-term it solves the frustration, but in the long-term, taking their free will out of their hands does immeasurable damage.
I’m not saying be completely passive and let people do whatever they want. If you see a friend committing a crime or threatening to harm someone else, please try to resolve the situation. Call the cops, grab the knife, make them drop the stuff they are shoplifting..you get the point. But if you feel you know better, it would be better if they just, life could be good if…Let it go. It’s their life. You don’t know what their path is or where it will lead. You don’t know how much time it will or even should take. Healer, heal thyself. It’s probably enough to keep your life on the straight and narrow. Keep good boundaries, offer the advice that no one every listens to, and feel good in the fact that now you have the absolute right to say “No one ever listens to me”.
