It’s not something I say out loud, but I have the thought often. Do you really want what you are talking about? Hours and hours, day after day of talking about a situation, griping about the futility of it, pointing out the resolution, knowing that things would be better if….and then going all over it again. Or talking through a problem facet by facet, like rubbing a strand of worry beads, round and round and round, never finding a resolution yet talking and worrying and talking…
Most times there may not be simple solutions, but there are steps that can be taken to help improve the situation or even turn it around. And the person either hears them and discounts them, stares at them uncomprehendingly, or enumerates them as if they are items in a museum to be discussed but never touched. And what it all comes down to is the simple question, do you really want what you are talking about? Do you want a solution? The answer to which seems to be yes and no. Yes if I don’t have to change in any way, if my life can remain exactly the same as it has ever been and if I have no responsibility in the outcome and can put minimal or no effort into the solving process. No if I have to change my life, my mindset, my way of being in the world, take responsibility for any part of the situation, or be seen in any kind of unfavorable light. Even bigger NO if the solution requires me to do something which is physically, socially, or emotionally uncomfortable.
So my question is, “What do you really want?” If its to talk about a situation, to a certain extent I’m with you. Making the emotions real by sharing them with another person is many times necessary to help them move through in a healthy way. Talking can help us work through our understanding of the situation and bring on ‘aha!’ moments and clarity that we didn’t have before. And having another’s opinion and perspective can be invaluable. But if what you do is stop at talk, if what you choose is to live in the situation without acting in any way, if what you do is anything but what you know will make your life better, help you to grow and become, support you in becoming the best you that is possible, even if it’s hard, challenging, frightening, or just unpleasant, then what you want isn’t what you’re talking about at all. What you want is something else entirely.
Which means what you should be talking about isn’t the tribulation of the moment, but why you can’t seem to live without it.
