Most of the time what is necessary to get things done is to roll up your sleeves, dig in and start doing. It may not be fun or even pleasant, but the sooner it’s started the sooner it’s done and you can get on to other things. In these cases the balancing act is to…
It is a common tactic of an abuser to judge our feelings. Some feelings, those that promote the interests of the abuser, are considered good. The others are bad. This is because there are emotions which empower us, that indicate when a boundary has been violated and spur to into action to prevent any further…
You know the saying, “If it looks like a duck and acts like a duck and sounds like a duck then it’s probably..” There’s a lot of truth to that which people ignore on a really regular basis especially in relationships. I can’t even count how many people over the past 30 years have talked…
From The Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis It is never helpful to tell a survivor of child sexual abuse that she needs to forgive the person who abused her. This advice minimized and denies the validity of her feelings. Yet the issue of forgiveness is one that is pressed on survivors…
The fear of failure can freeze us in our tracks. It can keep us from even contemplating doing something or even checking out what something is. Somewhere along the line we learn to be repulsed by anything remotely resembling failure. If we can’t do it right the first time we don’t want to do it…
The body stores memories of events for us. Not just of injuries, impacts, tears, strains, and breaks, but of everything that happens to us. When we’re unable to process it, to be with it in the moment, it goes deep into the body, held in storage until we’re ready to work through it. This should…
From The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass & Laura Davis When children are raised in a healthy environment, their emotions are respected. When they are sad, angry, or afraid, their parents or caretakers acknowledge their feelings, make room for safe expression, and offer comfort. Children raised in an emotionally supportive home are not…
So when people are talking about self-care, it’s important to take in what they actually mean by that. Not in what they are doing or how they are doing it. That’s as varied as the individual involved. One size does not fit all, there’s no miracle activity that will make everyone universally happy, and “being…
It’s not just for politicians. When people are unaware of or unwilling to admit the truth of their motivations, they sometimes give answers to questions which seem plausible until looked at closely. Often we don’t even bother, we take them at their word until something causes us to pause and think twice. We see this…
No one likes being the bad guy. The bearer of bad tidings is never going to win a popularity contest and people shoot the messenger. However, just like with everything else in life, relationships have a rhythm, a physics, which can’t be ignored. No matter how much we try, things which start will eventually end. …