I know it may be mind boggling, but relationships require relating. Which means actually paying attention to the other person. Not stalking, not clinging, not co-dependenting, but actually paying attention to them. Listening to what they are saying and actually hearing them. Talking to them, not at them, and inviting them into your life, not adding them like a piece of furniture that looks nice with everything else, is useful and comfortable, but eminently forgettable and interchangeable.
So many times what I hear from clients is “I want this person in my life. They are perfect and we fit. It should work, but….” And then they outline all the ways it should work and how confused they are that it doesn’t. They can give me details on what they have done to make it work, and they can give me chapter and verse on the reactions they got from their chosen ‘one’, but they don’t understand the response and why it’s not working. One thing I could point out, although I don’t because it wouldn’t matter so I don’t waste my breath, is that if you can outline all the logic about something as if you’re evaluating purchasing a car and a house, then it’s not love. Because love is indefinable, turns off the logic brain, and we live it, we don’t over think it. So there’s a red flag on the play already. But the thing I do try to point out is that, with every ounce of energy they are putting into everything else, they have missed out on the one important thing. Their ‘one’ has been telling them what is going on and they aren’t believing what’s being said.
You can’t have a good relationship without good communication of some kind. Even if it’s smoke signals you need some. And you can’t have good communication if you don’t believe what is being said. It’s a trust thing. If you constantly negate what the other says, tell them they are mistaken, don’t understand, are naïve, need more experience, whatever, over time they stop talking and you stop having connection. To my mind, why would you want to have a relationship with someone who is always wrong, but that’s just me. In the end, if they are talking to you, unless they are being ironic or sarcastic, I would believe what they are saying. When they say they are too busy, they probably are. That there is something else to be read into that may or may not be true, but that’s a different issue. If they don’t want to do ‘xxxxxxx’, believe them. Take the opportunity to find something they do want to do that you can agree on. Let this allow you to explore new areas of your relationship. If they are just not into you and they say it out loud, believe them and move on. Don’t waste your stalking abilities on them. Go find someone new to stalk. Or perhaps you could go to Stalkers Anonymous and start meeting people who actually want to be friends and hang out with you. It could happen, if you only believe…
