I’m not saying that we should blare everything we’re thinking every minute of the day. Nor am I saying we should ignore everyone else’s feelings and just barrel through life as if we were the sole being in the Universe. Like a Rhino who can’t see two feet in front of them and therefore creates a wide swath of destruction if they are disturbed. However, there is also the other extreme of never saying what is on your mind, never acting as if who you are is important, always valuing everyone else instead of yourself until you have no voice and becoming a non-being. In between those two extremes is where a healthy life exists.
I hear it all the time, I can’t tell them because it will hurt their feelings, it’s their business, it’s their family, it’s their right, it’s their….And part of that is true. It’s theirs…however they are in a relationship with you of some kind. They are family, significant other, friend, partner, etc, etc. So their life is entwined with yours. Therefore what they do and who they are affects not only them, but you. And what’s hard to sometimes realize is that who you are and what you do affects them. So being negatively affected by what they do not only negatively affects you, it affects them too in a negative way. And if you don’t tell them that something is affecting you, you are creating a lie within your relationship and damaging it directly. So now the negativity is expanding exponentially in a silent way. And why would you want to have that happen. I mean, they may not like what you are feeling or the consequences you are experiencing from their actions. There may not be an easy solution or any at all, but shouldn’t they know what is actually happening? If you feel you can’t tell them or you just have to suffer through it, what does that say about the relationship? What does that say about them? What does that say about you?
I know, this could all just be about their choice of coffee and not Armageddon. Or about the fact that they don’t put the top on the tooth paste or, heaven forfeign, they don’t put the toilet seat down, however, life is in the details. It’s in how we live each day of our lives. And the small instances are great practice for the big ones. Going through the difficulty over the small stuff makes it much easier and more graceful when you do it over large things. Or at least proves out the “forwarned is forearmed” adage. So don’t let things sit, don’t let them fester, don’t accept that ‘this is just the way it is’. Because the way it is really is how you make it. You are just as valuable as they are and a little bit of discomfort in the short-term now can allow you to have a great deal of joy and happiness and the long-term tomorrow. 🙂
