There are a lot of people in the world defining themselves by what they do or do not do. They see their value in how much they get done, how much they do for others, how hard they work, and how many more mountains they have to plow through just to get to the weekend. They start the day exhausted, force themselves through one more day, struggling if there is anything outside the routine and then wishing there were something outside the routine because…omg…routine…*ugh*, then drag themselves through errands and obligations until they drag themselves home. They do whatever they desperately need to do in order to sleep enough to do it all again.
Then, when they do have a bit of time off, it’s a hot mess. They sleep too much or can’t relax enough to sleep. They only have enough energy to read a book all day or binge watch crap TV. They look around at everything that needs to get done around the house and have absolutely no energy or interest in doing any of it. They hear the echoes of what could be happening, parties and fun, nights out and art, creativity and community, then wonder what’s wrong with them that they aren’t that sort of person. They use whatever energy they have left in order to make themselves feel bad, searching for the character flaw, the damage that is causing them to be reclusive, anti-social, and a slob.
The sad thing is that none of this is their true self. Their true self is in the echoes they listen to, which are actually the whispers of their soul trying to remind them of the truth. What they are experiencing over and over isn’t a character flaw, but the triage necessary to try and heal from the damage they are doing day in and day out to themselves in an effort to do and do and do. The body screams STOP! The emotions open every spigot and the mind overrides them day after day. It is in these quiet moments when the best that can be done is to breath, that the soul tries to get us to remember that we’re not a doing, we’re a being. The soul tries to show us that what we are calling personal time isn’t at all. It’s the hospital bed we put ourselves in desperately trying to heal as fast as possible. Once we are healed there is entire self waiting to unfold into the world. There is an adult version of ourselves that knows joy, is full of life, and wants to share with the world. It doesn’t need to be sought, it will spill out into the world naturally when we’re ready to meet it.
