The mind is an amazing thing. We can work to ‘not know’ things about ourselves and achieve this in so many ways. We can medicate ourselves through food, alcohol, recreational drugs, overwork, gaming, media intake, etc etc. We can also ‘not know’ things about ourselves by ignoring them, judging them in others, or telling ourselves that that’s ‘just the way it is’. As much work as it takes to ‘not know’ ourselves, it can take a real act of courage to attempt to know yourself. Because knowing who you are makes you vulnerable. And vulnerability has come to seem synonymous with weakness.
But those who choose the journey of self discovery learn quickly that vulnerability is the door to strength. It allows us to stop using all of our energy to ‘not know’ and instead we can open up to ourselves and in so doing open up to others. It’s not a magic wand and it’s not some new pill that will make you beautiful, give you wads of cash and make the sun shine 365 days a year, but it’s a great start towards a happy life that is uniquely your own.
Having a reading in the Akashic records is one tool that allows you to learn about yourself directly from the source that knows you best: yourself. It is a record of who you truly are not just in this body in this now, but who you truly are as a spiritual being. Readings can give you insights into every area of your life, your relationships, the choices you made to get you to this point and the opportunities you have ahead of you. Your Soul Book can be the spring-board to find out who you are and what you are capable of. And it can help you determine your best route to get what you want most.
The vulnerability comes when you learn about yourself, when you become open to who you are now, warts, beauty, mistakes and successes, and your start opening up to a life that reflects that or even just talking about it. Talking about your true self, about the things that matter the most or that scare you the most, opens the flood gate for judgement, separation, and alienation. There’s no way around that. Wish I could tell you that knowing who you really are makes you bullet proof and makes everyone like you, but it just isn’t so. Some will like the real you, others will react due to their own issues and want you to stay the same or act in a different way. Some will react to just one thing you say or just one opinion you have. It’s rarely all or nothing. And you will need to work through those moments in time in order to live an authentic life.
Jody Earle and the Educational Materials Advisory Committee of the Ferre Institute have come up with a guide to working through these types of conversations. They use the example issue of Infertility but I believe you can substitute any issue such as bankruptcy, domestic abuse, addiction, religious belief, etc and these techniques would work just as well.
“I need you to be a listener. Talking about my struggle helps me to make decisions. Let me know you are available for me. It’s difficult for me to expose my private thoughts if you are rushed or have a deadline for the end of our conversation. Please don’t tell me of all the worse things that have happened to others or how easily someone else’s infertility was solved.
I need you to be supportive. Understand that my decisions aren’t made casually, I’ve agonized over them. Remind me that you respect these decisions even if you disagree with them, because you know they are made carefully.
I need you to be comfortable with me, and then I also will feel more comfortable. Talking about infertility sometimes feels awkward. Are you worried you might say the wrong thing? Share those feelings with me. Ask me if I want to talk. Sometimes I will want to, and sometimes I won’t but it will remind me that you care.
I need you to be sensitive. Although I may joke about infertility to help myself cope, it doesn’t seem as funny when others joke about it. Please don’t tease me with remarks like ‘You don’t seem to know how to do it.’ Don’t trivialize my struggle by saying, ‘I’d be glad to give you one of my kids.’ It’s no comfort to hear empty reassurances like ‘You’ll be a parent by this time next year.’
I need you to be honest with me. Let me know that you may need time to adjust to some of my decisions. I also needed adjustment time. If there are things you don’t understand, say so.
I need you to be informed. Your advice and suggestions are only frustrating to me if they aren’t based on fact. Be well in formed so you can educate others when they make remarks based on myths. Don’t let anyone tell you that my infertility will be cured if I relax and adopt. Don’t tell me this is God’s will. Don’t ask me to justify my need to parent.
I need you to be patient. Remember that working through infertility is a process. It takes time. There are no guarantees, no package deals, no complete kits, no one right answer, and no ‘quickie’ choices.
I need you to be strengthening by boosting my self-esteem. My sense of worthlessness hampers my ability to take charge.
Encourage me to maintain my sense of humor; guide me to find joys. Celebrate with me my successes, even ones as small as making it through a medical appointment without crying. Remind me that I am more than an infertile person. Help me by sharing your strength.
Eventually I will be beyond the struggle of infertility. I know my infertility will never completely go away because it will change my life. I won’t be able to return to the person I was before infertility, but I also will no longer be controlled by this struggle. I will leave the struggle behind me, and from that I will have improved my skills for empathy, patience, resilience, forgiveness, decision making and self-assessment. I feel grateful that you are trying to ease my journey through this infertility struggle by giving me your understanding.
